Is it me or have I been seeing a lot of inspirational and
motivational writings lately? It might
be something in the air or maybe it’s just the holiday season. Nevertheless, blogs,
Facebook, and Twitter are all full of words to inspire us and keep us looking at
the glass “half-full”. It also could be that many of us seem to be in the same
boat; determined to make sure it’s not the Titanic. Yes, life is complicated
for many of us. Personally speaking, life makes me think of roller coasters, which
are supposed to be fun. As the anticipation of the slow ride up the track gives
way to the unknown of what lies just over the hill, that fast drop down can be
exhilarating and exciting or it can create fear, helplessness and that horrible
feeling in the pit of your stomach. Many of us live our lives on that roller
coaster; up and down, up and down.
Being 55
years of age, I’ve had many experiences in my life and made many mistakes. This
has resulted in three decisions that have changed how I now live my life. Call
them New Year’s resolutions; but they really are life resolutions. I’m not
preaching here, just offering some personal thoughts and friendly advice
designed to help those who seek it.
The first
is to live life without worrying what other people think. For many, this is
difficult as developing a thick skin when you’re sensitive takes hard work. But
when seeking approval from others, keep in mind that misery really does loves
company. Isn’t it amazing how people react to you when things are going well?
Some stay around to see what they can get from you or how you can help them. Then
you have the others who totally stay away and are indifferent, perhaps out of
jealousy or envy. It is an interesting dynamic but the point is; don’t worry
about them. To see people’s true colors, I go back the roller coaster analogy.
See who’s willing to get in that car with you for that slow ride up and then
the fast downward spiral knowing you need help getting through the ride. Those
are the people who really care. I now surround myself with those people; those who
are supportive and caring and not judgmental. But remember it works both ways. Each
of us could ask if we are giving anything back. And then is it enough? If
you’re like me, you do your best but deep down know you could do more. It’s so important
to give back. While it sounds corny, you will make a difference if you do.
The second
resolution is to take the time to do things for myself, things I need to do for
my well-being. Take care of the caregiver, so to speak. Doing things you need
to do for yourself is not selfish. Selfish is when you don’t do for others.
There is a big difference. Those of us in the autism community know the importance
of being positive, focused, alert and energetic. The old adage, take care of
your mind, body and spirit, is true if not challenging. Eating healthy and steady
exercise is just the tip of the iceberg. Relying on nicotine and caffeine in
the morning is not the answer. When you wake up, what about meditating or just taking
deep breaths for 10 minutes before getting into the day? Or start the day with a walk outside. Then go
find and register for that art class or yoga class or whatever you’ve always wanted
to do and take the plunge. Violin lessons anyone? Find your spirit and then
fill it with passion. Is it music, writing, or gourmet cooking? Whatever is
important to you, do it! Don’t wait till after the holidays, do it now. Many
people may be rolling their eyes now, but when you really think about it, we
need to be at our best everyday don’t we? It’s important to be disciplined
enough to care about you and what you need to be fulfilled. In turn it will
make you more effective in everything you do, influence people around you and
then those few guilty pleasures you have won’t make you feel so guilty.
And the
last resolution is to go out of my comfort zone to deal with challenges and make
life changes. Many of us fall into routines when facing issues in our lives.
Whether we have children with developmental disabilities, medical issues, financial
problems, or our relationships are falling apart, we each have our own unique method
to deal or cope. However, some work and some don’t. Either way, it’s safe to
assume life will continue to present us with these problems and how we deal
with them determine the outcomes. Personally, the “woe is me attitude” doesn’t
work. I’m not taking the easy way out. I didn’t always think like this but my
family and “real” friends have inspired and enlightened me. We all reach that
moment in life when you look around and say, this is my opportunity. You have
to take that chance; a chance on yourself. Many people are religious and have
faith in God or other beliefs but how about having faith in you? Instead of
complaining that “it’s not in the cards for me”, deal yourself a new hand. Believe
in destiny or fate all you want, however make it your destiny to believe in
yourself and try something new. So many people my age were afraid to take a
shot when we were younger and always had something to fall back on just in
case. If you have something to fall back on then chances are you’ll fall back.
My wife always tells me, do what you love and everything else will work out.
She is right and set the precedent by becoming a nurse, which was her lifelong
dream, at age 50. I hear so many people say things like “I’m too old to do
that” or “what if it doesn’t work?’ My response to them is “But what if it does
work? What if all you needed was to believe in yourself?” A wise friend of mine doesn’t use the word
“try”. He says when you “try”, you give yourself an out. Anyone can try. You
need to stay in the chase, no matter what goals and dreams you are chasing. We
are all human beings not human doings so be who you are. Be passionate about
it and this year you will make it happen!
One of my favorite
movies is a small independent film from 1984 called Windy City. In fact, my
daughter Emily is named after the lead female character. It’s about a group of
college friends with big dreams who face the reality of life after graduation. The
male lead character’s life is particularly a mess. He wants to be a writer but doesn’t
write and works at a job he really doesn’t want. Furthermore, his lifelong best
friend is dying of cancer before his eyes and finally he has just lost the love
of his life as she is about to be married. He goes on to help make his dying friend’s
dream of sailing away a reality and while at sea, the friend passes away. This
is his moment. The movie ends up with the lead character running into his now
divorced ex-love in a store and she is holding a copy of his newly published
novel. They end up having a conversation about the subject of the book and he
tells her it’s about a guy who believes in happy endings. I am not naïve and
realize this is just a movie. My point is that we all get beat up in life but
having the courage and faith to follow through in what you believe gives you a
fighting chance. Resolutions are personal so think about the New Year and the
positive changes in your life. Give of yourself to others but also do what you
need to do for yourself. You deserve to be happy. It will make you a better
spouse, parent, friend and ultimately a better person. And ask yourself, “Do I believe
in happy endings?”
.........Absolutely!
Happy Holidays,Merry Christmas to all and have a Happy,
Healthy and Peaceful New Year.
.........And Believe!
By Nick Malcuit
©12/2013
