Football and Autism....

Me, Nick, Nicholas and Louis...
Some things never change...

When I think back to my childhood there are so many fond memories, but there are those that stand out. Football has been a part of my life since I can remember. At our house, Sundays were the smell of tomato sauce cooking on the stove, stealing meatballs from the pot when no one was looking, a great pasta (we called it macaroni) dinner and football on TV. If you are around my age (55), you remember Pat Summerall and Tom Brookshier on channel 2 and Curt Gowdy on channel 4. John Madden was a coach then, not an announcer or a video game. Yes, football was life then, and I can say I actually remember where I was and who I was with while witnessing such famous games as the first Super Bowl (when it wasn’t even called the Super Bowl yet). And then there’s the Immaculate Reception, the “Heidi Game”, and Super Bowl III with Joe Namath. I remember the first Monday Night Football game. In fact my wife could not believe I remembered the Browns beat the Jets 31-21. And don’t forget Christmas 1971 and the Miami 27-24 win over K.C in double overtime.

            As I grew into my teens and adulthood, football was and still is a major part of my life. Not just pro football but also college, high school and even youth football; especially when my son was old enough to play. As for me, my football career was cut short. Not due to injury, but due to my height; or lack of it, my weight and some common sense. After a very brief stint on a J.V. team in Junior High School, I decided playing the guitar was an easier and safer way to meet girls than by wearing a uniform and getting my butt kicked. 
            My son Nick started playing youth football at age 7 and seemed to have pigskin in his veins as well. However, he wanted to play it, not only watch it. He was also small, but apparently had more guts than his dad and had a great career right on through his senior year in high school as a team captain. His love of the game and extreme knowledge of the game took Nick to another level. A senior in college, he now coaches high school football, and aims higher. He has an 8X10 color photo of Bill Belichick on his desk and is determined to coach in the pros someday. And we all believe he will get there cheering him on every step of the way. So what does this have to do with autism you ask?

2004 Wallkill signed ball

            When Marian and I became a couple, I wondered how football would fit in with the entire family. Watching it on TV was not an issue, but children with autism don’t handle crowds, loud noise, or sitting in bad weather very well so how were we going to watch Nick’s games? Nicholas and Louis did like to go out, so we needed to test the waters. We started with the youth football games on Sunday afternoons. We were able to watch the games and walk around the big grassy area if the boys got restless. Soon we realized that they were putting together the images of watching football on TV with the games we were watching live and they began to like it, especially because their brother was playing. Living in a small town, the boys began to become regulars and recognized a lot of the people each week at the youth games. We then started following the Wallkill Panthers H.S. team and the first couple of Friday night games were a bit rough, especially for Louis who would hold his ears and make noises at the crowd when they cheered. He didn’t like the yelling and cheering at the end of the plays. If the weather was bad, especially rain, that became an issue. But we kept going. In the beginning, we got the usual stares and when we showed up the section would clear as parents and children alike started moving away from us. But we were determined and slowly they started to get used to the routine. As some of the teachers noticed we were at the game, they would come and encourage Nicholas and Louis and high-five them and sit near them. Soon the fan with the really loud bull horn would see where Louis was sitting and move up and away from him so he wouldn’t hurt Louis’ ears with the noise. Then people began looking for the boys at games, calling their names and waving. It became an event for them, a night out to see familiar faces, in addition to watching football. Nicholas became a real fan of the Panthers and it just so happened that 2004 would be a special year.
            The Panthers had a good team and we could see something special building. In addition, that fall a movie opened called “Friday Night Lights” where a high school team goes all the way to the state championship game. I took Nicholas to see the movie and when the team lost the championship game, Nicholas cried in the movie theater. It wasn’t autism causing this reaction, it was football! He now felt what every fan feels when their team breaks their heart. That season our family followed the Wallkill Panthers all the way through to the playoffs. We went to home games and away games. I still feel the chill of that afternoon playoff game in Mahopac. But we were there sitting and freezing! And finally, there we were on November 26^th 2004, sitting in the Carrier Dome in Syracuse watching the championship game. It was so cool watching the kids, especially my son Nick who was in awe of the Carrier Dome and was watching his future high school team playing for the trophy. Unfortunately, Wallkill fell short that day, losing the game in the last minute but after more tears and some encouraging talk about what a great time we had, it was Nicholas who kept talking about the guys on the team and how much he loved his Panthers. It was then I approached Coach DerCola and told him about Nicholas and Louis and how our entire family followed the team all year. What he did next was remarkable. For a Christmas present, he got an actual game ball, had Nicholas’ favorite players sign it and then gave it to me so I could put it under the tree. Christmas morning, I woke up to a tapping on my shoulder and Nicholas’ big smile. “Santa gave me a football with the Panthers names!” He was so excited. While others may see it as nothing major, it was extremely important to him. A football team had made his Christmas wonderful and a football season had given him something to get excited about and cheer about. I ended up writing an editorial about the kindness of Coach DerCola and the Panthers and I was pleased to see it in the Times Herald Record since it’s important to acknowledge the good things that athletes do; not just read the negative headlines. What’s even more interesting is that my son Nick ended up playing for Coach DerCola when he played football at Wallkill and Coach always asked about Nicholas and Louis.   
            The following year, 2005, my son Nick was finishing his youth football career and his team won the division and made it to their “Super Bowl”. The game was November 20, 2005 at Michie Stadium, West Point, N.Y. My son was playing on the same field as Army and I don’t know who was happiest, my son Nick, Nicholas or me! So we headed over to West Point for the tailgate party and the game. While we ended up losing to Warwick that day, it was another example of football bringing our family together and creating an opportunity for Nicholas and Louis to be part of the action, find their voices and socialize with a large group in a loud setting.  Since we had success with high school and youth football, I decided the next step was the pros.

2013 Sheehan signed ball

            We knew it would be too much for Louis, especially at his age, so we planned to bring Nicholas to a pro game. My dad is a huge Packers fan so on November 5, 2006, me and my son Nick took my Dad and Nicholas to Buffalo to a Packers-Bills Game. It was a 3-day road trip and we had a blast and also got to see Brett Favre play which really made my Dad happy. The weather was great and while the Packers lost, we had an amazing time. Nicholas loved it and talked about the game with his brother especially about how many people there were and how loud it was. He handled it fine and was ready for another game.

            That brings us to September 21, 2008 and a chance to see our team; the Oakland Raiders play the Bills in Buffalo. We decided to take more people to this game, so we had my Uncle and Nephew join me, Nick and Nicholas for this road trip. This game would be different however. We are huge Raider fans and my son Nick and nephew Joe did the silver and black face paint and dress up. If you’re not familiar with the Raiders, or Raiders fans, the traveling fan base is a cross between a motorcycle gang, Halloween party and a prison riot. Let’s just say it was ugly. Nick and Joe got threatened and verbally abused but it was Nicholas who made us laugh as he said he heard so many curse words. My favorite was when he said people were saying the “Raiders f*@+ing suck!” He got a real education that day as the Raiders lost on a last second field goal and it’s fortunate he didn’t comprehend all that was going on around him. Let’s just say I don’t think we’ll do that again. Regardless, Nick, Joe and Nicholas had a blast. It was cool watching them see the Raiders and also see them dress up like they were part of the Black Hole at the Oakland Coliseum.

            The next few years we all watched the Wallkill Panthers, but this time we watched Nick playing on the defense. High school games are a gathering, and we would meet my daughter Emily there, as well as other friends. Nick played all 4 years of high school and while we had no trips to Syracuse, we had plenty of playoff games and special nights where we couldn’t be prouder of him. His last home game; senior night, we were all out on the field before the game. Nick made sure we were all together, the whole family. I also remember after the game, how he and his teammate took one last trip on the empty field, just the two of them to “soak it in, one last time.” A very rough and bittersweet night for him I’m sure, as it was extremely emotional for us. I had watched him play since he was 7 and now it was over. Very sad.

            Moving ahead to these past couple of years, Wallkill has been replaced by Sheehan High School in Wallingford Ct. as that is where my son Nick now coaches. We have made several trips over the past couple of seasons to games and Nicholas and Louis both look forward to those trips. Even Louis now cheers as he watches the game following Nicholas, who loves to yell from the stands. The transformation from 2004 has been pretty amazing. They are now football “junkies” like Nick and I.

            Recently, Louis was having a hard time after watching a science video on You Tube about the Sun expanding and he began obsessing about it, frightened that the Sun was going to destroy the Earth by burning it up. He totally lost focus and his behavior regressed and OCD activity became rampant. He became depressed and we had to seek some help for him to get him through it. I'm sure that those of you in the autism community know what I mean about those obsessions and losing focus. I told Nick what was going on and he was really concerned. He knew it was serious and since he is real close to Louis he talked to his coaches and decided to come home. This meant missing a J.V. game but the staff understood. He told the team he needed to leave to see his brother and got his players fired up before he left. The team put Nicholas’ and Lou’s initials on their wristbands before the game and while they played real hard that Saturday they lost the game. However, they dedicated the game ball to Louis and Nicholas, with all the players signing it. In addition, there’s a You Tube video of the team in the bus on the way to the game chanting LZ, NZ, LZ, NZ in honor of the boys. My son Nick was extremely moved as were we, and are real proud of his team. This Thanksgiving, the Sheehan Titans have a 10 A.M. game and I will be there with Nicholas, Louis and my daughter Emily. After the game, we will all have Thanksgiving dinner at Nick’s apartment eating turkey and yes, watching football.  

            Some people get it and some don’t. Football is not life or death, but it is more than a game. It is important. In case you didn’t notice, many of the special football experiences we shared together ended with our teams losing, even the team in the movie Friday Night Lights. But that doesn’t matter. The excitement of the game, the people, the time together, and the entire experience is the memory. Football has affected me throughout my whole life and has affected my son Nick to the point where he wants to make it his life; coaching. It has impacted Nicholas and Louis in a positive way. It has encouraged them to socialize, interact, communicate, and just enjoy themselves. It has taught them that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. And when you lose, even though it hurts you pick yourself up and you get ready for the next game. Sounds a lot like life doesn’t it?

*A Special Thank You to Coach John Ferrazzi, the Sheehan H.S. football coaching staff and all the Varsity and Junior Varsity players for making us part of the team. Go Titans!!!

Nick (2nd from left) doing what he loves

 *I have attached some photos, including the game ball from Wallkill in 2004 and the Sheehan game ball this year. In addition, I have added the link to the video of the team chanting on the bus. Enjoy!

Sheehan Titans Team Bus Video

Nick Malcuit 11/24/2013

*** Since the original publishing of this article in 2013, I am proud to say that my son Nick is finishing his degree with his student teaching assignment this fall. And at age 22, he is now the Defensive Coordinator for his alma mater High School Wallkill Panthers football team!!
Nick Malcuit 9/5/2014

Here We Go!

                Over the past couple of years, I have really gotten an education on the impact of social media and the technology of our times. My wife and I started OneStep4Autism as a vehicle to support blended families with autism. Our family is fortunate in that our 4 children get along better than we could ever have imagined. Over 11 years ago I got into a relationship with a woman and her 2 children with autism (ages 7 and 3) and it wasn’t easy. Mainly because I, myself, was recently divorced with 2 children of my own (ages 13 and 10). I feel our family has a lot to offer others who may be struggling with a similar situation. Looking at where we are now in our lives, my wife and I were able to go back to college; she's now a nurse and I earned a Bachelor's degree in Human Services Management. I also volunteer one day a week at my son's school for special education to provide a music program for the students after the school was forced to cut music due to funding issues.

             But getting back to social media and technology, we had the ability to develop our own website, communicate through Facebook and write articles. I have now begun this blog to discuss autism, in addition to another personal writing blog, and we are also in the process of setting up a Twitter account. We also have a YouTube Page and can share the musical talents of our family along with other information. There are so many possibilities out there and it is wonderful. Working with the autism community has been amazing and having the opportunity to share information, thoughts, and ideas with others on a daily basis is remarkable. Becoming a contributor to Autism Parenting Magazine has helped reach out to others, share experiences and learn a lot in the process. I look forward to the interaction on this blog and hope we can help each other, learn new things, and share some laughs and stories about our families.